Doing the Best They Can
by cartersdaughter
Summary: Takes place shortly after "First Born" 9x11. I really enjoyed the Sam and Castiel bonding in that episode and just started thinking since Castiel said in the episode he could now relate to Sam, what if they had more heart to hearts. Never written Cass before so I hope he's in character. For now it's complete but may Add more Sam and Cass friendship episodes later.


Disclaimer: If you recognize it, it's not mine.

AN: Re-watched 9x11 "First Born" and was suffering major Sam and Castiel friendship feels. Feel free to leave a review, just remember, constructive criticism is kind but cruel criticism is just mean.

 **"What Guilt Feels Like...or Doing the Best They Can"**

Castiel descended the stairs of the hidden bunker his arms filled with supplies.

The Men of Letters bunker had been one of the few things in recent years that had actually gone right for the Winchesters. It created a homebase for the brothers giving them a chance to have all the things they had never had in childhood. Dean had experienced the comfort of having a house and home for a brief time before it had all been brutally ripped from brothers, sharp and sudden like the pulling off a band-aid thrusting them into the nightmare of supernatural entities that was their lives. But Sam couldn't remember any other life.

It was odd to see the younger Winchester, so comfortable. Research had always been Sam's forte, his zone. But to see him so relaxed while investigating some new case was something Castiel hadn't seen since he had known the Winchesters. The angel paused near the bottom of the stairs just observing his friend.

Sam was seated at the large map table in the middle of what Dean had affectionately named the war room. Computer printouts, books, and various file folders were sprawled over the table. While it didn't look like there was any organization to the scatted paperwork, Sam obviously had his own system, knew where to find the exact piece of the puzzle they needed to solve the case was. The angel was constantly amazed at depth of intelligence the younger Winchester exhibited, how easily Sam could memorize and recall hundreds of years of human history, facts, and lore.

His brother was just as knowledgeable, albeit in a different way, about all things supernatural and far surpassed both Castiel and Sam in knowledge of vehicle mechanics, which is why Dean was currently in the garage changing the oil and making other tweaks to the Impala. And that was how Castiel ended up with an armful of groceries and other supplies. The angel had volunteered to get provisions and necessities when he saw Dean completely engaged in the mechanics of the Impala. And Sam had been so absorbed in his research, he hadn't even heard the door when it had accidently slammed.

Castiel made sure to stomp his boots as he descended the last few heavy iron steps as he had seen Dean do. He had once asked the older Winchester why he seemed to perform such an obnoxious action every time he returned to the bunker. Dean replied it didn't happen every time, only when Sam stayed in the bunker alone. Apparently, Sam was easily startled when he was alone, so Dean made sure to announce his presence obviously and often loudly.

Hearing clomping of boots on metal Sam finally looked up from his varying stacks of paper. "Oh, hey Cass."

"Hello, Sam." Castiel paused at the table carefully setting the bags on the one clear space Sam had left in order to get a better grip.

"When did you go shopping?" Sam was clearly confused and slightly unnerved that the angel had made it past him and back with him ever noticing.

"Dean sent me approximately two hours ago."

Sam became slightly agitated. "You've been gone that long? Why did Dean just ask me to go?"

"You were involved with research. Your brother was reluctant to interrupt, so I volunteered. It was a short trip to the grocery and hardware store. As Dean would say, 'No big deal.'"

"Well, would you like some help now?" Sam asked, marking the page in his book and not waiting for a reply before taking a few of the plastic bags piled on the table and chair next to him.

"Thank you Sam," Castiel responded before taking the remainder of the bags and following to the kitchen.

As the two men began to empty the grocery bags, Castiel turned to Sam questions in his eyes. "Sam may I ask you a question?"

"You already…" Sam began to say then cut himself off remembering what that response had garnered last time. "Go ahead," he said hoping he wouldn't regret his reply.

"Why?" Castiel asked pulling out the flavored coffee creamer Dean had specifically instructed him to buy a large container of for Sam.

"Why, what?" Sam asked not at all comfortable with where this conversation could be headed. Why questions with the angel usually turned into deep philosophical discussions. So he instead focused on the bread he had just been handed.

"Why do you continue to save people, to go on hunts, when you receive no thanks or recognition for your efforts, when in fact much of the time, you end up hunted by demons and even your own law enforcement agencies? And many times don't even you don't even save the victim. There will always be more cases and more victims. What good does it do?"

"Because Cass, I've screwed up the world enough times. I owe it to…you, to Dean, to _everyone_ …to fix it. I mean: first I let Jake open the Devil's Gate, I set Lucifer free and started the apocalypse, I didn't close the gates of hell when I should have… The list goes on and on."

Castiel seemed to remember Sam fixing each of the items he had so vehemently insisted were his fault. "Everyone makes mistakes. I have. Dean has. And you have more than made up for yours."

"I will never be able to make up for all the messes I've caused. But I can make a few things right. By helping people, continuing the family business, saving people, hunting things. My world might suck. But I made it that way. The least I can do is change it for other people. For someone else's child, so they don't have to experience the same screwed up childhood I had. No mom. Barely a dad. Moving all over the country at the drop of a hat. Murdered girlfriends. My life is a giant craphole, and no one should ever have to go through what we had to. I'm going to make sure of that."

"I'm sure you will Sam. I have no doubt about that. But you do know the weight of everything does not need to rest on your shoulders. I have noticed, humans do the best they can with what they have. You are very resourceful creatures."

The angel paused giving his words a moment to sink in before continuing. "You make the best of whatever situation you are placed in and do what you think is right. Sometimes these choices are not correct even though the intent is good." Sam put his head down, and Castiel knew he was remembering the time with Ruby and Lillith. "Nevertheless, you are not the only one who has headed down the wrong path believing he was doing the right thing. You may have broken the last seal, but Dean broke the first. I unleashed Leviathan on the world then broke your wall. Dean befriended a vampire. He took on the Mark of Cain. We have all had our screw-ups as you call them. And we've all had our chance to fix them."

"Cass…"

"Please allow me to finish. You cannot continue to blame yourself for events that happened years ago. Part of being human is also forgiveness. You are my friend, Sam, and I will not stand by and allow you to continue to torture yourself with this guilt. That is no longer your reason for fighting, hunting, and helping others. It is time to come with a new reason. You know what guilt feels like; now give yourself a chance at forgiveness. To improve upon the world you saved. More than once, I might add. You deserve it."

"I don't…" Sam began to protest before being cut off.

"Everyone deserves a second chance. A chance at forgiveness. A chance to rebuild. That is the way my father intended for it to be. The way life was designed. Take what has been given to you Sam and use it. Your debt has been settled. Help rebuild the world, make the world a better place."

"Make the world a better place. I like to sound of that. Reminds me of a quote I heard once, 'We need to work today, for a better life tomorrow.'"

"You do. You make the world a better place every day. Watching you and your brother over the years, in addition to the time I spent as a human taught me life should be treasured and protected. You and your brother continue to save the world over and over. To me that warrants recognition. So I am recognizing you Sam Winchester. Thank you for your sacrifice."

"Cass, I've told you before. My life doesn't matter anymore than anyone else's. I'm just doing what anyone would do: you, Dean, Garth. I'm trying to do the right thing."

"And you do, Sam, I see it in the way you watch out for those around you, the way you research meticulously getting every single detail right before entering a hunt. I see it in the grief and repentance that permeates your soul. Not only have I seen your soul, Sam, I have felt it. I know how deeply you regret the mistakes you have made. I, too, have felt guilt at almost ending the world. But saving it that's the important part."

Castiel let his voice trail off into silence for a moment, gauging Sam's reaction to see if he was absorbing the message the angel was trying to convey. The younger Winchester's eyes had a slight shine to them. His head inclined to show he was listening intently. "I see you doing your best for everyone but yourself. I see it in the way you care for your brother and me. You feel things more strongly than any human I have encountered. It makes you feel responsible for everyone and everything, to want to take care of it all. Maybe it's time to let someone take care of you."

"I can take care of myself, Cass. I'm a grown man."

"I know that. But I have learned sometimes it is all right to share a burden. That's what friends are for."

"How about we share a burden now?" Sam held up the bread he had been toying with for the entire conversation, smiling in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"You are right. It is almost time for lunch, and I have no doubt your brother will be hungry when he finishes with the car."

That was how Dean found them a few minutes later, working side by side in the kitchen, building sandwiches. The most amazing sandwiches he was sure he had ever seen.


End file.
